Procrastination, distraction and Ammonia

The last thing I should be doing is blogging.

Clearly, I don't have my priorities straight.

Things have just become crazy around here. I've never been one of those super energetic people that moves like a hummingbird. Sure, I've had moments like that; frenzied cleaning, rabid writing sessions or days full of endless little tasks that all manage to get done. I also


Well, I started this post two days ago. See that sentence fragment up there? That's when the phone rang, it was the preschool calling, they said "is anyone coming to pick up Kaeda today?" Whoops. I was thinking the start time for her afternoon class was the end time for her morning class... Kaeda helped the teacher decorate the classroom while I got ready, snatched the baby from her crib and hauled butt down to the community center.

"Mommy, I was so worried about you!" She said, little hands on little hips.

I must have said, "I'm sorry" to the teacher a million times.

It's taking some getting used to, B working, the lack of sleep, the increase in school work load... and my attempt to keep the kids happy and entertained.

On a side note.... B was in the thick of this yesterday: Ammonia Leak in Langford

I received a text from him yesterday morning while in class, "Do not listen to the new. I am okay. There was an accident at work but no one was hurt." Well, considering I hadn't heard the news this was a little alarming. I read some articles online and texted him a couple times to get the gist of it. Having the inside story definitely gives you a different perspective of the news... that's all I'll say on that.

Anyway, I really, really, should do some essay writing... blah.

Trying to keep up with life

Well, my baby girl is going to be one year old on the 22nd. I can hardly believe it. Where does the time go? We're having a small party for her tomorrow. I'm excited because Thrifty Foods will make a free cake for your baby's 1st birthday! (lame thing to be excited about, I know, but hey, to the frugal it's great!).

The dynamics of our house hold are going to change again. B got a new job! It's been a blessing and a curse having him home for so long. It's great that he got to participate in Kaeda's life more and spent some quality time with Bo in her infancy but it's been hard on him. He's just not cut out for stay-at-home parent - at least, not unless we were millionaire who could do whatever we wanted and didn't have to worry about bills.

So, this is a good thing.

It's still going to be a big change. The girls will have to adjust... and I will have to. I'm nervous about being home solo again - especially because I'm going to be in school full-time too. My mother-in-law (whom I love!) will be doing some baby sitting... but it's just not the same as having a constant partner for parenting. Plus, this means no more sleep in days, it means meals with no dad some nights, it means bed time by myself and an lonely bed for me when he's out of town.

Ah, well, I just tell myself the same thing I've been telling him when ever bills, life or whatever was getting him down: We'll get through it. Because we have to; things will get better, we have a plan, we're moving forward, we have each other and our health and our loving families. It could definitely be a lot worse.

I just wish I didn't have to say that as often as I do.

Ah, rambling... it feels good.

Good Changes.. I think

I just had one of those moments when I suddenly felt over-whelmed. It's not really a surprise, just something that's been building. I have so much on the go in my mind I just feel frazzled. It's funny that summer, with it's energizing brightness, can be so motivating... and yet I've some what over-filled my plate.

I've been trying to meet more moms (always the goal I suppose) which has been pretty successful. Also, getting Kaeda into preschool and sorting all the baby stuff to go in the big Victoria consignment sale (I REALLY need to get on that). And now... we've decided that it's time for me to go back to school.... that's probably the biggest thing. I've spent hours reading post-secondary institution sites, trying to understand all their courses and rules and applications. I've been on the phone and in person and it's still confusing as hell. Every time it becomes a little clear I can't seem to find my way back there again.

All this will blow over in September. Kaeda will start preschool, the sale will be over and school will either be started or not... and if it has started? More to worry about... I'm not exactly a high energy, self-motivated person all the time... is it going to be too much stress? Full time school and the kids? and... a wedding? Jeez, I keep putting it off but we're supposed to be planning  a wedding for next summer! I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it!! I don't know how I'm going to be away from my baby so long...

I guess it will just have to be.. one day at a time for now...

The Importance of Mom Friends

It's been 3.5 years since I had my daughter... and I officially have 2 mom friends. Three if you could the one that lives in another province that I've never met... If there's one thing I stress to new moms it's: put yourself out there and make and effort to make mom friends!!!! No one will understand you quite the same as another mom. And it does get lonely. I wish I could have gone back and told myself that before. 

Today I went and met two more moms in my area. It's such a funny feeling - like dating - trying to find moms the same age, with kids the same age, who are compatible with you. My stomach was all funny and nervous. It's so silly but I guess that's what happens when you get into the routine of being a stay-at-home-mom. 

We met at Crumsby's Cupcake Cafe. I had no idea the place existed before... but it was awesome! A whole wall dedicated to toys to amuse the kiddies, kids menu, amazing coffee and a tempting menu I'll have to try out. It was a lot of fun and kids had a great time. It was lovely chatting with moms who had babies and older kids and then walking down to willow beach. I think it would be great if we could make a mommy group out of it. 

Perhaps its because I'm more comfortable in my position as "mom" or perhaps these moms just had more in common with me - but I've definitely had more of a connection with the moms I've met in Victoria than the ones I met in Richmond. It's funny how people complain about Facebook and all the terrible invasion of privacy/addiction/alienation that goes on with it - when thanks to it and the Young & New Moms group - I've made friends :)

It was so hot out yesterday! Bo loves water and had a great time splashing in this tub. I was sitting on the blanket under the umbrella (where the heat still penetrated) eating cherries (mmm!). 

Behind Bo is where our hot tub is - in this heat we haven't been turning it on and it's still a couple degrees above body temperature - it makes a PERFECT pool! So that's where Kaeda was most of the afternoon.

While I was out with the girls B was downstairs washing the carpets and getting the house ready for our new roomie (who's already living with us). If he wasn't doing that he'd be off on some other house-improving, life-improving, mechanical or creative project. It's great that he's so motivated but can get kind of annoying that he's here without being here. Some how I manage to do all my projects (well mostly) with the kids in tow or on hip (in Bo's case while she's teething). It frustrates me that he has a hard time being up at 6am with the kids or carrying the baby while doing something (even making toast!). I see that a lot of moms complain about this sort of thing... so I guess it's pretty common and male... but it still gets to me some times. 

With all the stress of money and work right now it's easier to find frustration in the small things that come up. B commented the other day how great is was to be a kid - no worries but the afternoon. Hopefully as things get more stable for us these day-to-day struggles will be less of a weight.

Sleep issues and diet rambling

Well Bowynn is 6 months old now. She is a generally happy baby (particularly if you're taking her out some where). She tried her first baby mum-mum crackers a couple days ago and loves them. She ate six with no trouble on her first day. Yesterday she had 2 bowls of cereal and mashed banana and one of store bought banana - it's the most solid food she's eaten without complaining. Speaking of complaining! Her new thing is to make these high pitched little whining noises when she wants to talk to you (or herself). Totally adorable. She's also wiggling and rolling around pretty good, trying to get up on her hands and knees. 

Unfortunately she has also stopped sleeping well (much to my despair!). She has starting grousing and whining at bed or nap time and is resisting going down in her crib. She wants to be nursed to sleep. I feel a bit like a first time parent dealing with this because it is so different from how Kaeda was. I didn't really have sleep problems from her until I weaned her at 18 months. 

So what do I do?!?!?!

There are several things to consider (bear with my thinking out loud). She just turned 6 months which is a pretty big growth spurt time for babies. She's more aware than she's being left in a crib. I have accidentally  been co-sleeping some times with her when I come in to night-nurse. Annnnnd the one I'm most worried about; me not getting enough calories can cause a drop in my milk production - she could be hungry!! 

I had calculated to include calories for breastfeeding in my diet but maybe it's not enough? I'm not really sure how to tell if I'm producing enough milk... although she did eat a LOT of food last night and didn't sleep any better really.  I guess it's just something I'll have to keep an eye on.

More about dieting:

Things have been going pretty good here in those terms. Who knew black coffee wasn't that bad and skim lattes not the end of the world? I haven't cut out so much of my favorites as I have substituted certain ingredients for lower-fat options and and cut back my portions.

Still eating lots of spinach and veggies.

I was limiting myself to about 2000 calories a day but something I read on Peaceful Parenting said I should be having 2500-2700 as a nursing mother. I'm not too sure about this as I feel fine and full and, well... like I'm eating the right amount.

I think the funniest thing about it is that I feel a little like a traitor to myself - I've always been SOOO anti-calorie-counting that it's kinda hilarious that I'm doing it now. I'm certainly hearing about it enough from some people (you know who you are!). And just to be clear that doesn't bother me but it does surprise me how many people say "why don't you just run around the block?". Besides the whole mess of trying to get kids in a stroller for a run, weather, time and such - I ran for just over a month every other day and saw no changes to myself beyond energy and fitness (which are great but I want waist results too!!).

SO, continuing on the fitness rant. B, the kids and I hiked up Mt. Doug yesterday. It was surprisingly easy and of course, very beautiful. I hope we can continue to do that regularly as I don't think I could ever get tired if the forest.

dun dun dun.... Dieting...

I have always hated dieting. I hate the whole concept around it. I hate that women feel the need to be skinny to be attractive - because that's what it's usually about. I hate the calorie counting obsession, the deprivation of all things delicious and the way it just seems unnatural...

...and yet, here I am... day three of my attempt to actually "count" my calories.

I don't think of myself as a complainer but anyone who so much as turns in my direction will hear just how much I miss eating what ever I want. Black coffee, bowls of spinach and plates of chopped veggies.... ok, ok, it's not really that bad - coffee is still coffee, I have a delicious raspberry vinaigrette for my spinach and I actually kinda like veggies... and it's not like I'm super strict or anything. Anyone that knows me well knows I'm being "strict" when I order a latte with sugar-free syrup and the dreaded skim milk.

The reality of it is, I want to lose weight. I mean, come on, I've still got baby weight from both my babies! I see moms out there with their 6-month-old babies and they're skinny as can be - totally jealous! I just don't seem to have the time or commitment to exercise on my own consistently and I'm too frugal to pay for classes so the only thing I really can do is pay more attention (like a lot more) to what I eat. Let's just hope I can stick with - being the total foodie that I am it will be tough. But I'm sick of not fitting my clothes and hating the way I look so I'll just have to grin and bear it..... oh, and I promise to try not to whine too much.  :)

My bad habit

I have this bad habit.... I judge other parents (not like super harshly or all the time). I like to lurk on "mom boards" reading parenting issues and advice often just to reassure to myself that my choices aren't that bad.

Ok, ok, it's not really that awful a thing. I mean, parenting is a very opinionated so really what mom doesn't occasionally think "wow, those kids are out of control" or "that child is too old for a bottle/pacifier" or something else like that? It's pretty much unavoidable, the key is not to be one of those moms who acts like they think all those things (I've met a few). In my defense I also recognize my bad habit and keep my mouth shut most of time (unless it's a safety issue) and remind myself that they're not my kids, it's not my life and it's none of my business.

This isn't that big of an issue where I live because where I am people are educated and open-minded, we have free medical and there are lots of programs and information for families to help with parenting. But reading mom forums that are global can be a real eye opener. There are places where certain things or facts that I take for granted aren't common place.

But the thing that really gets me about it is that these people have the internet - they're on the forum after all! perhaps it's just me or my generation but - Google it! There are always lots of opinions, reviews, professional answers out there to compare and think about. Ok, I'll admit I'm a little bit of an information whore, I get on a subject and I can spend hours digging through Google reading pros and cons and different suggestions, statistics and opinions. I know some people aren't as into that as I am - in fact some of the moms on the forum don't even read the posts above theirs let alone check online.

Anyway, this habit might be "bad" but the forums really are a good thing - there is lots of support out there if there isn't in your community and there are stories and advice that I've found very useful.

On a totally unrelated note: Bowynn had bananas for the first time last night! She ate an entire half a mashed banana. She loved it so much she cried when I took the spoon away to refill it! On a not so positive note: She had banana poo this morning, lol!

Kaeda has a new found fascination with gardening. I am trying to encourage her to weed our garden (as I absolutely HATE weeding and kinda suck at gardening in general). She is doing ok, but likes to pick more than just weeds... (naturally).

Top 10 Quiz

I had a couple ideas about what to write today... I'd love to do a review of my strollers (cause I'm a bit of a stroller whore) and I have some interesting thoughts on parenting the second time around... buuuut I'm just not up to it today.

Instead I'm going to take a page from the blog Controlled Chaos and do a little quiz!

1. What topics do you most like to read about on blogs?
I'm all about the parenting blogs right now. I love reading reviews, recipes, birth experiences and opinions on different parenting styles. Plus, it's always nice to know there are moms out there who's lives are just like mine and full of the same struggles and humor.

2. What are your favorite blogs?
Well that's easy, they're all right there on my blog list. I will add that I LOVE the recipes from Kevin & Amanda's blog (which isn't a parenting blog at all). Also, Peaceful Parenting has a lot of interesting articles related to attachment parenting.

3. How did you decide your family size?
I was always kind of a tomboy. I never dreamed of the perfect wedding or the picket fence. However, I always felt I knew I would one day have two kids (although I imagined a girl and boy). When we became unexpectedly pregnant with Kaeda we talked about it again. Both B and I didn't feel right about having an only child, and as I grew up with just one sibling I felt two was perfect. We decided that three years was as big a gap as we wanted and so as that time drew near we started trying for a second.
I feel that I have been waiting to meet Bowynn for so much longer because we planned a second baby long before she was conceived.

4. How did you grow up?
When I think of my childhood I feel lucky. My parents were older but stable, loving and respectful. They took us on trips, were very involved in our day-to-day and schools. We lived in the same house the whole time and had a wide range of pets. My younger brother and I always got along and are still good friends. We have a colourful and loving extended family and are all very close.
Of course there are things I want to do differently with my kids and perhaps things I might have changed - but overall when I think of my childhood I picture sunny days, the smell of fresh cut grass and the whole family outside together.
A very different upbringing from B's.

5. How did you meet your spouse?
It was my 19th birthday and my friends and I all went out to celebrate. My boyfriend at the time had gone to school with B. When we showed up at the bar it was closed. B and his friends happened to be outside contemplating what to do about this when I invited them to join us at a different bar. B and I became friends quickly. He was different from anyone I'd ever met and we just got each other in a way I'd never known before.
Because we don't recall when we actually started dating we celebrate my birthday as our anniversary.

6. How were you proposed to?
After Kaeda I told him I didn't want to get married just because we were having a baby - I had seen too many marriages not work on those grounds. The summer of 2009 saw our family (and extended) in some really rough places. It made us both realize how short life can be and how happy we were with each other. I was planning on proposing to him when apparently he had the same idea!
I thought we were going for a late birthday celebration (he had been out of town). We went to a fancy restaurant in Victoria and then B took me up to the top of Mt. Doug. He was worried that the fog would ruin the view but as it turned out we were looking down at a misty city of shimmering lights and the sky was clear and full of stars - he couldn't have planned it better. He pointed out different places and told me stories about his youth and then he gave me my birthday present. I opened it to find an iPhone box, inside the box was another box - and the ring!

7. What do you believe?
Well that's not a loaded question, but I'll give you an idea:
I believe in family. That believing in yourself can make anything possible. I believe in adopting pets from shelters. I believe balance - of food, tv, computers, activity, etc. I believe that people change, and in seeing both sides of an argument. I believe in 'intact' baby boys and breastfeeding. I believe that a baby's cry should always be answered. I believe that marijuana should be legalized. I believe that engaging children is the key to education. That empathy should be taught to discourage bullying. I believe in pro-choice and that child-abusers should be shot. I believe in the saying "it takes a village to raise a child".

8. What are your favorite things?
Drink: Coffee!
Band: The Beatles
Show: True Blood
Chore: re-organizing/de-cluttering
Season: Summer
Book: That's too hard! Let's just say anything Tamora Pierce.

9. What do you normally wear?
Lately... yoga pants. Yoga pants and a light top of some kind - I get warm too easily.

10. How did pregnancy affect you?
Well I suppose! I worked right until 9 months with Kaeda. I felt pretty good, a few aches and pains near the end - about 10 minutes of morning sickness all together. Bowynn I felt a little worse off at the start but less of the aches and pains near the end. Although I'm sure I whined plenty I really had nothing to complain about when you hear some of the stories of bed rest and puking every morning.