Trying to keep up with life

Well, my baby girl is going to be one year old on the 22nd. I can hardly believe it. Where does the time go? We're having a small party for her tomorrow. I'm excited because Thrifty Foods will make a free cake for your baby's 1st birthday! (lame thing to be excited about, I know, but hey, to the frugal it's great!).

The dynamics of our house hold are going to change again. B got a new job! It's been a blessing and a curse having him home for so long. It's great that he got to participate in Kaeda's life more and spent some quality time with Bo in her infancy but it's been hard on him. He's just not cut out for stay-at-home parent - at least, not unless we were millionaire who could do whatever we wanted and didn't have to worry about bills.

So, this is a good thing.

It's still going to be a big change. The girls will have to adjust... and I will have to. I'm nervous about being home solo again - especially because I'm going to be in school full-time too. My mother-in-law (whom I love!) will be doing some baby sitting... but it's just not the same as having a constant partner for parenting. Plus, this means no more sleep in days, it means meals with no dad some nights, it means bed time by myself and an lonely bed for me when he's out of town.

Ah, well, I just tell myself the same thing I've been telling him when ever bills, life or whatever was getting him down: We'll get through it. Because we have to; things will get better, we have a plan, we're moving forward, we have each other and our health and our loving families. It could definitely be a lot worse.

I just wish I didn't have to say that as often as I do.

Ah, rambling... it feels good.

Good Changes.. I think

I just had one of those moments when I suddenly felt over-whelmed. It's not really a surprise, just something that's been building. I have so much on the go in my mind I just feel frazzled. It's funny that summer, with it's energizing brightness, can be so motivating... and yet I've some what over-filled my plate.

I've been trying to meet more moms (always the goal I suppose) which has been pretty successful. Also, getting Kaeda into preschool and sorting all the baby stuff to go in the big Victoria consignment sale (I REALLY need to get on that). And now... we've decided that it's time for me to go back to school.... that's probably the biggest thing. I've spent hours reading post-secondary institution sites, trying to understand all their courses and rules and applications. I've been on the phone and in person and it's still confusing as hell. Every time it becomes a little clear I can't seem to find my way back there again.

All this will blow over in September. Kaeda will start preschool, the sale will be over and school will either be started or not... and if it has started? More to worry about... I'm not exactly a high energy, self-motivated person all the time... is it going to be too much stress? Full time school and the kids? and... a wedding? Jeez, I keep putting it off but we're supposed to be planning  a wedding for next summer! I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it!! I don't know how I'm going to be away from my baby so long...

I guess it will just have to be.. one day at a time for now...

It was so hot out yesterday! Bo loves water and had a great time splashing in this tub. I was sitting on the blanket under the umbrella (where the heat still penetrated) eating cherries (mmm!). 

Behind Bo is where our hot tub is - in this heat we haven't been turning it on and it's still a couple degrees above body temperature - it makes a PERFECT pool! So that's where Kaeda was most of the afternoon.

While I was out with the girls B was downstairs washing the carpets and getting the house ready for our new roomie (who's already living with us). If he wasn't doing that he'd be off on some other house-improving, life-improving, mechanical or creative project. It's great that he's so motivated but can get kind of annoying that he's here without being here. Some how I manage to do all my projects (well mostly) with the kids in tow or on hip (in Bo's case while she's teething). It frustrates me that he has a hard time being up at 6am with the kids or carrying the baby while doing something (even making toast!). I see that a lot of moms complain about this sort of thing... so I guess it's pretty common and male... but it still gets to me some times. 

With all the stress of money and work right now it's easier to find frustration in the small things that come up. B commented the other day how great is was to be a kid - no worries but the afternoon. Hopefully as things get more stable for us these day-to-day struggles will be less of a weight.

Today was one awful day.

Kaeda pushed every boundary. She wouldn't come, didn't listen, poked her sister, threw her toys, made a mess, wouldn't stay in time out, wouldn't stay in her room, didn't want to go potty, demanded sugar, wanted to watch tv all day and alternatively wanted to be held by me or pinch me.

Now this isn't totally unheard of or anything. However, today I felt like dying. My head has been killing me all day. My wrist is twisted or sprained or something... and I am just full of aches and pains and general unhealthiness.

Now these two things are bad, but put them together and I felt like every second thing I did or said I instantly regretted. My patience was next to nil. I really hate it when I feel this awful and Kaeda gets it worse because of that. Perhaps she was feeling bad too and so we were both irritable.

On the plus side Bowynn's evening fussiness was curbed by a wet cloth thrown into the freezer until it was solid. A momentary break from the craziness that allowed enough time to whip up a turkey casserole - which I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of myself for doing in my state. Once B got home things mellowed a little. I am so thankful I have such a caring, loving and considerate partner!

In fact - he's made me a hot bath with candles, bath salts and tea! So this momma is logging off!

a break from the craziness (well most of it)

The last two nights have been a great break from the regular. Friday night Marly and I went to the pre-sale for a kids consignment sale. We both showed up sans kids, bought some delicious Starbucks coffee and perused the the tables and racks of meticulously organized, priced and presented stuff. I love going to these sort of places even though I find once I get there I don't buy a lot. I did find a couple cute outfits for Bo to grow into, some books, a puzzle and a toy impact drill for Kaeda for Easter.

While I was going through all the toys there I noticed I buy Kaeda lot of boy's stuff. She loves dinosaurs, dragons, trains and tools. She also loves my little pony, horses, all animals and the occasional princess. Still I was pretty happy to find the drill because she always likes to go "work" with daddy and now she has her own version of what he has.

Last night Kaeda stayed over at Grandmere's house. It's amazing how much quieter it gets without the monster. B and I even went out for dinner. It was a quick one though because Bowynn really didn't like the noise level and it was getting close to her bedtime. 

I was reminded yesterday too the problems that can come of assumption. See I assumed that because we were down the rowdy child it would automatically be a date night.... unfortunately, B did not come to this conclusion and was surprised when I got mad that he had invited Karl over. The long and short of it was that I said, yes, fine, have Karl over for a early night then we'll have a hottub and movie  - early ended up being pretty much bed time so it was hard to enjoy what was left of the evening when I was so preoccupied being irritated. 

What I learned: Yes, I should have been more clear that it was a date night, and Yes, I should have insisted that he call off his plans (he had offered to and we do see Karl pretty much every night). I should have known that it wouldn't work out any other way. 

Ending on a happy note! Bowynn with her new dragon toy from Australia. She is constantly trying to munch on his ears!

Sal

Today was just one of those days... thank god for my mommy playdate or I would have totally lost it. It just feels like I got up on the wrong side of the bed. My thoughts are scattered and full of little worries.

My dog passed away today. Sal wasn't really my dog in the sense that she didn't live with me. In fact she was only really my dog for a few days, thirteen years ago when I found a stray dog on the beach near the house we had rented in Australia. She followed me everywhere - she even seemed to listen when I talked to her, cocking her head to one side thoughtfully. I bawled like a baby when we pulled away from the driveway one last time - there was Sal staring after us looking so lost, inching forward like she might just run after the car. I begged my parents to let me keep her - even though she'd have to be in quarantine for months and then would need a plane ticket to Canada. In the end, the goodness and generosity of my uncle and aunt saved her. They drove all the way up the coast and retrieved her from the pound (where the rotten neighbours had sent her). She was a troublesome dog! Sneaking off to the local school, constantly going "walk-about" and always needing to be checked out for ticks. Sal lived a long, happy life surrounded by a family and passed away at home in her sleep. It's the best end a stray dog could wish for and though I am happy for the life she lived, her passing shocked me more than I expected when I heard.

Add that news to a very fussy, teething baby, some gloomy weather and being stir-crazy... well, I'm definitely looking forward to bedtime so I can do non-kid-related things without interruption.

On the plus side (cause there always is one) I feel like I've finally met a local mom with similar interests and the same level of crazy as me! Hurrah! (I type with screaming in the background... oh, bed time come faster...)

Just one of those nights...

I'm having one of those restless, frustrated evenings. I guess it actually started some time this afternoon. I don't know why it happens, or what brings it on; a series of small things I think. My book was rather melancholy, which, if its good, affects my mood. B relies on my direction with the kids and mealtime often - which doesn't always bug me, but it does when it's my morning to sleep in or I'm trying to talk on the phone to someone I don't frequently chat with. I messed up our times and we missed Kaeda's first swim lesson.... that really bummed me out. It's not something that usually happens to me - I'm the kind who usually arrives early. She didn't know what she was missing - her and dad still got a swim so she was happy.

Sometimes I just get sick of all the sarcasm and playful teasing. It may be a joke but it's not funny. I like to banter back and forth with B, we have fun and I know he doesn't mean the things he says... but still... on days like today it's just too much negativity. He's not the only one who does it.

I want to go for another run - even though it hurts right now just to walk. I think a nighttime stroll with some music without the kids... would clear my head.

Too bad I hear the baby calling...